Dear Prudence

I think “Dear Columnist” entries can be interesting. Would you write in to have your problems cast in a public sphere and possibly judged by many in a negative manner, if you were granted anonymity? I don’t think I would.

I found this particular piece on Feministing about a man who is Caucasian and has an Asian wife, who is infertile, and their desire to have children. Okay, adoption or egg donors are cool, I thought to myself.

But then came a plot twist, the reason Femnisting included it on their site: the husband was writing in about his contemplation to opt for another Caucasian egg donor to ensure that his children “look like me, their cousins, and the kids they’ll go to school with.”

EXCUSE ME.

It was at this point that I felt a little sick. And I wondered, how many people might feel the same way, who are supposedly accepting of interracial couples but hesitant at the thought of raising multi-racial children?

All of the relationships that I have been in up to this point have been with a person of another ethnic or racial background. And I could certainly never be with someone who wouldn’t be accepting of me wanting my own children to be able to share my own cultural heritage with them, and that includes what physical traits may be tied with that.

So to answer his question about whether or not to let his wife know, I think it might end in the reconsideration of what their marriage is based on. I wonder what her reaction would be to the news. I know for me, at least, I would not be pleased. And honestly, for the sake of embracing your cultural heritage and the right to raise children in a non-prejudicial environment, I hope that she might consider that disapproval as well.

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